Find Your Style Of Parenting
There are many ideas
about how to rear children. Some parents adopt the ideas their own parents
used. Others get advice from friends. Some read books about parenting. Others
take classes offered in the community. No one has all the answers. However,
psychologists and other social scientists now know what parenting practices are
most effective and are more likely to lead to positive outcomes for children.
Ideas about child rearing can be grouped into three
styles. These are different ways of deciding who is responsible for what in a
family.
Authoritarian
Authoritarian
parents always try to be in control and exert their control on the children.
These parents set strict rules to try to keep order, and they usually do this
without much expression of warmth and affection. They attempt to set strict
standards of conduct and are usually very critical of children for not meeting
those standards. They tell children what to do, they try to make them obey and
they usually do not provide children with choices or options.
Authoritarian parents don't explain why they want
their children to do things. If a child questions a rule or command, the parent
might answer, "Because I said so." Parents tend to focus on bad
behavior, rather than positive behavior, and children are scolded or punished,
often harshly, for not following the rules.
Children with authoritarian parents usually do not
learn to think for themselves and understand why the parent is requiring
certain behaviors.
Permissive
Permissive parents
give up most control to their children. Parents make few, if any, rules, and
the rules that they make are usually not consistently enforced. They don't want
to be tied down to routines. They want their children to feel free. They do not
set clear boundaries or expectations for their children's behavior and tend to
accept in a warm and loving way, however the child behaves.
Permissive parents give children as many choices as
possible, even when the child is not capable of making good choices. They tend
to accept a child's behavior, good or bad, and make no comment about whether it
is beneficial or not. They may feel unable to change misbehavior, or they
choose not to get involved.
Democratic Or Authoritative
Democratic parents
help children learn to be responsible for themselves and to think about the
consequences of their behavior. Parents do this by providing clear, reasonable
expectations for their children and explanations for why they expect their
children to behave in a particular manner. They monitor their children's behavior
to make sure that they follow through on rules and expectations. They do this
in a warm and loving manner. They often, "try to catch their children
being good" and reinforcing the good behavior, rather than focusing on the
bad.
For example, a child who leaves her toys on a
staircase may be told not to do this because, "Someone could trip on them
and get hurt and the toy might be damaged." As children mature, parents
involve children in making rules and doing chores: "Who will mop the kitchen
floor, and who will carry out the trash?"
Parents who have a democratic style give choices
based on a child's ability. For a toddler, the choice may be "red shirt or
striped shirt?" For an older child, the choice might be "apple,
orange or banana?" Parents guide children's behavior by teaching, not
punishing. "You threw your truck at Mindy. That hurt her. We're putting
your truck away until you can play with it safely."
Which Is Your Style?
Maybe you are
somewhere in between. Think about what you want your children to learn.
Research on children's development shows that the most positive outcomes for
children occur when parents use democratic styles. Children with permissive
parents tend to be aggressive and act out, while children with authoritarian
parents tend to be compliant and submissive and have low self-esteem.
No parenting style will work unless you build a
loving bond with your child.
These tips were reproduced from the U.S.
Department of Education.
No comments:
Post a Comment