Parental Involvement in Childhood Obesity and Control

Within families, there’s often a monkey-see-monkey-do dynamic when it comes to many behaviors—and eating and exercise habits are no exceptions. The reality is, kids tend to emulate their parents’ eating and exercise habits. This means if parents consume an unhealthy diet, the kids have a good chance of following in their footsteps. Fortunately, the flip side is true as well—if parents consume healthy meals and snacks, their kids are likely to follow suit. In other words, parents have the power to shape their children’s eating and exercise habits in ways that can prevent them from becoming overweight or improve their weight status if they’re already overweight.

These influences start early. In a recent study, researchers from the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine found that parents’ nutrition and physical activity patterns significantly influence their preschoolers’ consumption of fruits and vegetables, junk food, and their amount of physical activity or sedentary behavior. These patterns can add up and have a cumulative effect on a child’s weight. Here’s a look at the different ways these influences play out:

Parenting Style

It’s not just what family members eat and how much they move that influence a child’s weight gain pattern. Parenting style also plays a role. Research indicates, for example, that when parents exert excessive control over what, when, and how much their children eat, the kids may be at higher risk of becoming overweight. After reviewing the medical literature on parents’ child-feeding behaviors and their children’s weight, researchers in the U.K. concluded that “parents may inadvertently promote excess weight gain in childhood by using inappropriate child-feeding” tactics such as restricting children’s eating or pressuring them to eat.

For one thing, research suggests that when overweight parents who have trouble controlling their own food intake adopt controlling ways of feeding their child, the approach often backfires: Rather than reducing their son’s or daughter’s risk of becoming overweight, this controlling feeding style may promote problematic eating habits in the child, ones that can interact with a genetic predisposition to obesity, leading to weight gain. The influence is especially powerful with mothers. Research from the Obesity Prevention Program at Harvard Medical School found that kids whose mothers engaged in restrictive feeding when they were one year old were more likely to have a higher body mass index (BMI) at age three than those whose mothers didn’t have restrictive feeding styles.

Feeding Practices

When parents prepare healthy family meals—consisting of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, nuts and seeds, beans and legumes, low-fat dairy products and lean protein —and refuse to resort to being a short-order cook who caters to pint-size palates, kids end up benefiting. This way, everyone in the family consumes a balanced, healthy diet and kids learn to appreciate, if not actually prefer, healthier foods. In a review of 60 studies on the subject, researchers in the U.K. found that adolescents whose parents consume plenty of fruits and vegetables tend to consume more fruits and vegetables, too.

Another good strategy: Involve kids in food preparation. A recent study from Switzerland found that when children were involved in preparing a meal (chicken, pasta, salad, and cauliflower) with a parent, they ate 76 percent more salad and 24 percent more chicken than when the same meal was prepared solo by the parent. If you have the option of growing produce at home, this can have a positive effect on kids’ eating habits, too. A study involving 1,658 parents and their preschool-age children in Missouri found that preschoolers in households with more homegrown produce tended to have a greater preference for fruits and vegetables than their peers who didn’t have an abundance of homegrown produce.

Exercise Habits

It stands to reason that if parents are physically active, their kids will be, too—and research suggests this is true. In a study involving 1,124 12-year-old children and their parents, researchers in Sweden found that girls and boys who had two physically active parents were four times and nine times more likely, respectively, to be engaged in vigorous physical activity or sports than kids whose parents were inactive.

There’s a direct effect (due to parents’ modeling of physical activity) and an indirect effect (in the form of encouragement, support, and involvement). Moms and Dads may have different influences in these respects: In a study involving 1,278 children ages 10 to 11, researchers in Finland found that fathers’ modeling of physical activity had a direct effect on their kids’ physical activity, whereas mothers’ modeling and parental encouragement had more of an indirect effect—by boosting kids’ perceived competence and interest in being physically active.    

Putting the Pieces Together

Given the choice between modeling healthy eating and exercise habits and trying to control your child’s behavior, it’s better to opt for the former approach. In particular, a positive parental role model is more effective at improving a child’s diet and instilling higher levels of body satisfaction, according to research from the U.K. A positive parental role model can also inspire kids to get moving (and stay moving!). 

The best ways to achieve this is with an appropriate division of responsibility: Parents should choose what the family eats by serving healthy foods at every meal and snack, and children should be allowed to decide how much to eat at each occasion. Parents should exercise regularly and provide plenty of opportunities and encouragement for their kids to be physically active, then let kids discover their own love of movement. This approach gently sets the stage for better weight management and helps kids develop healthy eating and exercise habits for life.  

By David L. Katz, MD

Childhood Obesity Expert

The 4 Biggest Discipline Mistakes Parents Make Learn how to avoid these parenting blunders

Parenting is a tough job. There's no doubt about that. And learning how to discipline your child in a way that will be most effective in teaching him everything he needs to know before he turns 18, can seem like an impossible task. Here are some of the biggest discipline mistakes many parents make and learn what you can do about them.

1. Not Giving the Right Kind of Attention

When kids don’t get enough positive attention, behavioral problems often result. Positive attention reduces attention seeking behaviors such as whining, temper tantrums, and other purposely annoying behaviors. When kids don’t get attention for positive behaviors, such as playing quietly, sitting at the dinner table, and taking turns, they’ll often act out just to get any kind of attention.

Sometimes parents inadvertently encourage misbehavior by giving kids negative attention. Any type of attention, including negative attention, gives children positive reinforcement. Avoid power struggles because the more you argue or pay attention to a behavior, the worse it will get. It’s okay to ignore mild misbehavior

2. Only Looking at the Short-Term
Another big parenting mistake can be only focusing on the short-term. Good discipline techniques should also focus on the long-term. It is important to remember that your child will need certain skills in order to become a healthy, responsible adult. Therefore, the most effective discipline strategies focus on teaching kids these skills.



Although giving in may make things easier today, it will make behavior problems worse in the long-term. For example, some parents give in to kids when their kids are whining in an attempt to get the child to stop. However, giving in teaches children that whining and complaining are good ways to get their needs met.

Unfortunately, this can be detrimental to a child. A child who learns that whining gets him what he wants, is likely to struggle with peer relationships or authority figures.

Children need to learn that there are negative consequences for their behaviors. When parents stick to limits and provide fair, consistent, authoritative discipline strategies, children will learn the skills they need.

3. Not Creating Written Rules
When there are not clear rules, it can be quite confusing to kids to know what is expected from them. Sometimes the problem is that each parent has a different rule or interpretation of the rule. This leads to children viewing one parent as the “good guy” and the other parent as the “bad guy.”

Other times, the problem is that a parent is not consistent. Stress from other responsibilities such as work, can make a parent feel too exhausted to follow through with limits and consequences. An overworked single mother may feel too tired to make her child do his homework some nights. This can be confusing to him and may cause him to argue more on the nights she tries to get him to complete his homework, causing her to feel it just isn’t worth the trouble.

Establishing a written list of household rules helps children have more structure. When kids are clear what the limits and consequences are, they can make more informed decisions. It is important that kids also have assigned chores and clear rules about money to teach them responsibility.

4. Not Having a Discipline Plan
When it comes to managing behavioral issues it is better to be proactive rather than reactive. Take some time to develop a comprehensive behavior plan to help manage behavioral issues. When parents attack problems with a clear plan, it is much easier to track the child’s progress and make changes when necessary.

Without a clear plan, parents sometimes struggle to deal with behaviors and the result is chaos. For example if a child begins hitting others, a parent may not know how to deal with the child’s aggression. As a result, the parent may sometimes use time out but at other times may spank the child out of exasperation. This inconsistency may be confusing to the child and may not stop the behavior.

Parents need to develop a behavior management plan whenever behavioral issues arise with their children. This can increase consistency and ensure that kids are receiving clear messages about their behaviors. It can also help parents work together with other caregivers to make sure that all the adults are responding in a similar manner.

By Amy Morin

Discipline - Is it Okay to Discipline Another Parent's Child? Disciplining Out-of-Control Kids From Unsafe, Unruly Behavior Can Be Complex

Any parent has most likely encountered an out-of-control youngster at a party or playgroup who is ruining the day for everyone. You know, the one who is kicking or hitting other kids, screaming at the top of his lungs, or literally tearing the place up? If it's your kid, you know what you need to do. But what happens when it is someone else's kid who needs disciplining...and the parent is either obvious, in denial, or worst of all, not even around? When should you step in and discipline another person's child, and what should you do?

Disciplining another person's child can make even the most seasoned parent cringe and retreat. On one hand, parents of toddlers and preschool-aged children often have their hands full with making sure their own child acts appropriately--no small feat for anyone. But if you're the one hosting a birthday party or playgroup social, then you're in charge of ALL aspects--including behavior. Like it or not, if a tot's actions are ruining the day or possibly causing harm to others and the child's parent isn't handling the situation, you're going to have to step up and take action.

Too often parents wait as long as possible before disciplinary action is taken in the hopes that the child settles down or the kid's parent intervenes. But waiting and hoping can actually allow the bad behavior to spiral even more out-of-control. Instead, do what most early educators recommend, and take swift and calm action as soon as a problem develops. If the child's parents or caregiver is present, ask them to take action. If they hesitate or the child starts up again, be prepared to step in. Consider removing the child from the situation and presenting him directly to the parent. Don't be surprised if tears or a tantrum results, but then again, that's not your problem. YOu have the safety and well-being of all kids to consider.

If the parent is not present, the situation becomes trickier. Friendships have been ruined and playgroups disbanded over hurt feelings and strong disagreements over the handling of behavioral situations. Families may have different expectations and rules surrounding acceptable behavior, and discipling a child can be sometimes be taken "personally" or even as criticism of how they are raising their child. However, not taking action could land you in hot water with the other parents.

With that said, the easiest (and safest) way to discipline another person's child is by either re-engaging them in a different activity or physically removing them from the situation and telling them why they can't continue to do what they were doing. Much of this depends on the action and age of the child. Avoiding labeling your disciplinary choice (i.e. a "timeout") to lessen chances of the other parents being offended. Instead, just say something like, "Jensen, I need you to come sit over here for a minute." Once removed from the situation, you can help the child calm down and then explain how you would like him to behave for the rest of the activity.

What behavior warrants immediate intervention?
Balancing between over-zealously stepping in and pretending the bad behavior isn't occurring can be a fine line. But these behaviors need to be stopped at once (by the parent, hopefully, but by any adult):

    Aggressive behavior that is hurting (or could hurt) another child, such as hitting, punching, biting, kicking, or using a toy as a weapon like a bat or any hard object


    Earth-shattering screeching or shrill screaming or such loud noises that it disrupts and distracts everyone in the room (and especially warranted in a public place such as a restaurant)


    Destructive behavior such as tearing things up, knocking things down, or ruining something


    Alarming behaviors such as hurting a family pet or wheeling a baby around who is in a stroller


    If you are the organizer (i.e. it is your child's birthday party), you should stop any behavior that you won't allow your own children to do.

Minimizing bad behaviors and what to do if they occur
What steps can you take to help minimize the opportunity for badly-behaving children to ruin a social event or function? Here are steps to take before the party gets started, and possible disciplinary approaches to consider ahead of time when you are calm and not stressed out!

    Use age-appropriate language to set simple rules with toddlers before activities begin. Child care providers and early educators alike that having kids calmly start an event with a "circle time" or something similar while you cheerily talk about the events at hand and expectations can at least let youngsters know they are expected to behave. If at all possible, enlist the help of other parents to assist, hear and observe so that they too know your expectations. Don't be stern or lecturing; you know how to do it in a positive and upbeat fashion, all the while talk about the fun things that are coming.


    Depending on the age of the children, consider discussing that these activities require kids to keep their hands to themselves and to stay seated, with a consequence of being removed from the activity if they can't manage themselves. Again, this is just as much for the parents as it is for the kids.


    If the activity is a playgroup, parents should set rules and agree to appropriate actions if a child gets out-of-control. (By the way, this can happen occasionally to the very best-behaved kids...including yours!) Parents should either supervise their own kid or have a cell phone and be available to retrieve their youngster if problems arise.


    If hosting a party, encourage parents to stay. If they do plan to leave, be sure to get their cell phone number before they depart as a "just in case" measure. If you have too many kids to adequately supervise and manage without a lot of help, the truth is, you've probably invited too many kids for the age group at hand anyway. While it's too late if you've already sent the invites, remember that a smaller group will most likely be more fun and memorable overall.


    Keep your cool when a child misbehaves. Remember that kids will be kids, and that doesn't always include the very best of behaviors. Besides, next time it could be YOUR kid behaving badly.


....... From Robin McClure

Child health and safety: What you should know about silent concussions

Your child takes a hard fall and bumps his head on a stair banister, gets clobbered by a soccer ball, or is bopped in the head by another tot at daycare. He doesn't lose consciousness, and seems okay afterward. Is he?

Traditional advice used to be that a child would be considered okay if there was no loss of consciousness and she seemed fine afterward. In those cases, providers or parents typically rendered some good ol' TLC and perhaps an ice pack until a child felt good enough to continue his day. What doctors are saying today, however, is that losing consciousness should not be considered the criteria to determine whether your child might have a concussion or swelling.

Recent studies have indicated that other, less signs that can accompany a serious concussion or even a life-threatening condition resulting from swelling of the brain. And it doesn't require broken skin or a massive impact point to potentially cause a serious or even fatal accident.

Make sure that not only you as a parent, but your child's caregiver, coach, teacher, or adult in charge are aware of signs of possible silent concussions and for you to be alerted immediately if any symptoms described below occur after an injury to the head--no matter how seemingly minor.

Call the doctor if your child has hurt her head and has ANY of the following symptoms:

    headache--even a mild one

    sense of fogginess

    dizziness

    blurry or double vision

    confusion

Don't delay in getting to the doctor, and explain to the receptionist that your child suffered trauma or injury during play or sports to the head. Most likely your child will check out to be just fine, but this is one injury that warrants prompt attention just to be sure.

.... Robin McClure

Amazing Grace: Tips For Teaching Child Manners

The holidays aren't the only time a kid should demonstrate good child manners--but special occasions, parties or family gatherings are when parents most want their children to be acting their best. For children to exhibit respect, tolerance, and social graces at these special times, however, means those important lessons must have already been learned. Teachers and senior adults agree that today's children demonstrate less child manners than in previous generations, which is not a compliment for today's youth.

Children who grow up without learning respect and tolerance, as well as how to act in social settings, are at greater risk of not being successful as adults in work settings and at social events. Parents, teachers and providers can team together to start teaching and reinforcing appropriate child manners now and in time to impress even Great-Grandpa at the next family dinner. How?

Here are some tips for teaching kids social graces.

    R-E-S-P-E-C-T is Class Manners 101. Aretha Franklin sings about respect, and it is a fundamental skill needed for learning about child manners overall. Children must first be taught about respect--for their parents, for their friends and family, and for themselves. Here is where the issue of respect and manners gets sticky. The "old school" still believes in teaching kids the basic rules of never calling an adult by a first name, always responding with either "Yes Sir" or a "Yes, Mrs. Smith," and never, ever talking back or questioning an adult's directive. With that said, many individuals today believe some of the more traditional social rules to be too formal and too restrictive for today's kids. It is okay to agree to disagree with some of the recommended social rules. The key is to determine what rules are appropriate for child manners in your family or at your school or day care, and then to enforce them. These rules can be applied to sharing, asking to borrow a crayon, lining up in a hallway, and what actions cause a consequence and why. And, by doing so, adults teach respect along the way.


    Appropriate mealtime child manners should be taught as soon as a child begins eating at the table. Amazingly enough, many kids have never been formally told that they should not have their elbows on the table or where to leave their napkin. Kids don't automatically know what is expect or now, what is considered right or wrong, and without adult guidance, some kids grow into adults who also don't know basic rules at mealtimes. Many a potential job offer has ended over lunch when a hiring individual observed poor manners of an applicant, and too many dates end without a connection because of boorish behavior at dinner. Why not get kids on the right track now? This does not mean all kids need to know fancy table arrangements and eat from fine china. However, holidays or special evenings out can be a great time to promote these practices. Start kids young with learning how to set the table appropriately, and then talk to them about general etiquette rules. One family has a weekly "family night out" at the dining room table, in which the better tableware and glassware are used and the table is set with candles and other arrangements. Each week, a different child in the family makes the plans. On some weeks, the meal may consist simply of hamburgers, but the family uses the special meal to teach manners, social graces, and according to the mother, "hopefully foster an enjoyment and respect of table conversation and of the dining experience in general." Some schools have programs such as cotillions for children, and some child care settings feature play meal settings or dress up teas or parties. All of these are stepping stones for teaching appropriate child manners.


    Work on one social skill at a time. Don't overburden a child with too many lessons at once. Child care providers and teachers could work with parents to promote one child manner of the month, to be reinforced both during the day and at home. A general theme of respect, table manners, phone etiquette, addressing adults, social interaction with peers, etc., could be used and then scenarios and games coordinated to help teach the general message. Parents could help a kid's understanding of child manners by asking their child's care provider how mealtimes or share times are handled and then instilling those same processes at other times for consistency. Care providers will be glad you've asked and that you care enough to want to reinforce those teachings.


Do you want your child to exhibit social graces, charm and respect at the next holiday gathering or family dinner? Parents should not expect their kids to transform into princes and princesses without being taught and through frequent positive reinforcement and practice.

Here are more tips for teaching kids social graces and good manners.

    Praise your children when they exhibit appropriate good child manners; remind them and reinforce positive behaviors when they don't. Good manners and social skills are learned behaviors, and kids need constant and positive reinforcement. Teaching a kid how to greet adults or extend a handshake, for example, requires practice. While kids may forget, remember that they ultimately do want to please their parents and other adults in their lives by doing the right thing.

    The time to teach values is now!
    Schools and child care centers are jumping on this band wagon, with positive results. Regardless of a family's background or religious beliefs, certain values are core to everyone, such as honesty, tolerance, creating success, generosity, and kindness. La Petite Academy, for example, was recently recognized by the Make-A-Wish Foundation as the charity’s fastest-growing national sponsor after showing a 425 percent increase in funds raised between the Foundation’s fiscal year 2003 and fiscal year 2004. La Petite Academy’s commitment to the Make-A-Wish Foundation extends through its 645 schools and 80,000 children across the country. La Petite Academy’s Make-A-Wish campaign not only supports a worthy charity, but also helps teach children the importance of generosity, kindness and community involvement. The company further reinforces these positive character traits to the children in its care with a unique “Kids of Character” program. La Petite Academy offers a comprehensive curriculum that includes monthly activities specifically designed to build a sense of community and caring among children.

    Set the example! Don't expect your kids to exhibit child manners if you don't serve as a positive role model yourself. Providers comment about kids discussing "dad's burping contests" or mom "always talking with her mouth full of food." Kids do learn through observation, and think about that next time you're eating with the elbows on the table!

Robin McClure

Building Your Child’s Self-Esteem By Paul C. Holinger, M.D., M.P.H.

When a baby finds that her signals are validated and responded to appropriately—that troubles are soothed and pleasure enhanced—she begins to sense that her feelings, expressions, of her very being, are of value and important. A baby learns that she counts for something. This is the foundation of the development of self-esteem—a combination of who you are, how you feel about yourself, and what you think about your future potential.

Self-esteem takes root or withers depending on how you handle your child’s signals of fun—interest and enjoyment—and validating and attending to the signals for help—distress, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and dissmell (aversion to unpleasant odors).

As parents you are the most important people in your baby’s world. You provide your child with his first definitions of himself. You tell him through your every word, gesture, and action just how important he is and how he is perceived by the outside world.

Over the coming months and years, as your child matures and becomes an adult, his self-esteem will become a more complex web of interlocking emotions and thoughts about himself and about how he sees and is seen by others. It’s common for growing children and as well as adults to fluctuate between episodes of high and low self-esteem over the course of months or years. However, a solid foundation of self-esteem—built by appropriate responses to a child’s signals and nurtured throughout childhood—will help most people maintain a basically optimistic view of their lives and their future over the course of life’s ups and downs.

Your goal now, with your baby, is to help him develop a sense of himself that is reasonably solid and stable. As he grows, that will allow him to perceive his talents and abilities accurately, respond to life with flexibility, and look at his goals and capacities realistically.

Of course, the real key is loving the very essence of your child—loving and valuing the child for himself or herself, who he or she is. But this is often easier said than done—especially if the parents have not been loved and valued. Yet, understanding the nine signals can be useful here too: Much of the child’s essence is wrapped up in her interests and enjoyments; and understanding and attending to the negative signals can help prevent the cycles of frustration, hurt, and anger which can so contaminate the parent-child relationship and erode the child’s internal world.

The Foundation of Self-Esteem

From the first days of your baby’s life, you can lay the foundation for self-esteem by responding appropriately to your child’s signals for help (distress, anger, etc.) and fun (interest and enjoyment).

Many experts believe that another important building block of self-esteem involves a child’s experience of competence. Competence is initially achieved as a result of the brain’s capacity to create order out of the disorder of all the incoming stimuli. An infant’s inherent ability to develop competence lays the foundation for later, more sophisticated mastery of interaction with the world and people, which in turn may produce a sense of self-esteem. One part of this development, as a child grows, is learning that he is able to exert control over external events. Another, as he interacts with his environment, is learning how to adapt in a healthy way to the external world’s social requirements and expectations.

Focusing Appropriate Attention on the Child. Babies thrive when they feel they are of genuine interest to you and are the center of your universe. They use their nine signals to express their entire range of emotions. When a baby cries, or fusses, or coos, she expects you to react with as much enthusiasm or distress as she does about what is happening to her. 

What parents sometimes forget is that to babies those reactions of distress are proportional to the situation. Not being able to get a hold of a ball that rolled into a corner is terrible! And your baby wants you to pay attention to him when he announces it in no uncertain terms. He finds himself incapable of righting the situation himself—no matter what he does, he’ll never be able to reach the ball. Talk about frustration! So he asks for your help in the only way he can—by making a scene. If that doesn’t elicit your sympathy and attention, if you don’t respond and help your baby out of his distress, he will begin to think that his problems don’t really matter, how he feels doesn’t count. Instead, if you take the opportunity to pay attention, validating and confirming his feelings and perceptions, you will help your child become confident. 

Provide Reward and Praise. Along with paying attention, reward and praise from you are essential to child’s self-esteem. You must never forget how much your child wants to be like you and to be liked by you. Kids need to hear that you approve of them and think they are wonderful. They long to see the “gleam in your eye” that signals love and approval. You can’t assume they know how you feel. They don’t. They need to be told, over and over and over. In the long run, reward and praise tend to be better and healthier motivators than fear and shame. Of course, whenever you’re dealing with behavior, it is also important to explain to the child the pros and cons, the reasons and rationales, for whatever issue is at stake. 

Offer Protection. If a child perceives the world as threatening or dangerous, it is almost impossible for her to feel brave and strong, to know that she can make her way through it successfully. But when you respond to your child’s negative signals of distress and anger by allowing expression of the signals and then removing the triggers, you have begun to give her the tools to deal with the world. When it comes to feeling confident, nothing helps a helpless baby like knowing she can depend on you to shield her from danger and distress. 

How Self-Esteem is Damaged 

Some parents inadvertently diminish their children’s self-esteem by interfering with or belittling their signals for interest and enjoyment. This triggers the automatic, built-in response of shame, and shame erodes self-esteem. 

In my clinical practice, I frequently work with families in which both the parents and children have a variety of troubles related to a poor sense of self and self-esteem. The adults in these families often don’t understand how feelings and emotions work. The family ends up in a toxic situation because there is a mismatch between the child’s expression of emotional needs and the parent’s ability to respond appropriately. Often, then, the children fail to develop a solid sense of self—who they are, what they like and don’t like, a confidence in their perceptions and feelings, and so on. The resulting tension that develops between parent and child can contribute to the erosion of his self-esteem. The child may become angry, defensive, intolerant, and inflexible, or withdrawn, self-destructive, envious, and fearful. In fact, a whole variety of the less pleasing personality traits can be directly attributed to a person’s lack of belief in his own essential worth. Think bully. Think timid. Think depressed, depleted, and drained. These different qualities result, in part, from a lack of self-esteem. 

The results of these kinds of parenting missteps can be heartbreaking. But the results of positive parenting are tremendous. You and your child are able to enjoy one another’s company, to delight in the deepening of your friendship. You gain access to the delightfully quirky way the world looks to a child. You learn as your baby learns. You gain confidence in your parenting skills; your self-esteem increases. Over time, you become ever more able to allow your child to grow into a unique, self-confident being. And because she has a solid sense of self, she will become capable of forming fulfilling relationships and of maintaining a healthy autonomy. 

......From Robin McClure

Child Discipline - Is Spanking a Child Ever Okay

To spank or not to spank? That continues to be the question when it comes to child discipline, and just about everyone has a strong and often emotional opinion.

While most people (at least publicly) decry the use of spanking as a form of child discipline, more people do spank their kids than they let on. Instead, many spanking opponents still justify "swats" or "smacks" or even "popping of the hands or head" as different than spanking. But spanking doesn't literally just mean the kind where a child is bent over your knees and whose bottom is struck with a hand (or even belt). Most define spanking as any physical contact that involves striking a child for the purpose of stopping a behavior or action or getting their attention.

With all that said, most child psychologists, pediatricians, so-called parenting experts, educators and middle-class parents oppose spanking. The reasoning is that spanking can cause life-long emotional damage to a child (and sometimes even physical damage as well). Plus, spanking opponents argue, there are plenty of other alternative ways to discipline a child who is acting inappropriately.

Proponents of spanking are often religious conservatives, who reference corporal punishment (spanking) as being the preferred way to discipline children in accordance with the Bible. Who hasn't heard the reference, "Spare the rod and spoil the child?" Proponents say that spanking, when used appropriately, creates a better sense of discipline and doing the right thing in children. They strongly argue against opponents' claims that spanking a child teaches them to become violent adults.

Proponents also argue that occasionally spanking a child who is acting unsafely or terribly does not make them child abusers or parents with anger problems. They also point to how well-behaved their child is, especially compared with out-of-control, disrespectful and tantrum-prone youngsters whose parents keep threatening them with "time-outs" or "going to bed early" without changing the behavior.

So who uses spanking as a form of child discipline today?
It's hard to know exactly what percentage of parents or caregivers (like grandparents) actually spank a child, because many who do don't admit to it. But essentially, people who spank, at least occasionally, include:
Caregivers from older generations, who were spanked as children and believe that they turned out to be absolutely fine. Grandparents and even older parents whose parents spanked them appropriately indicate they remember the experience, and as a result, effectively learned to not repeat the same inappropriate child action again.


Harried parents, often of multiple young children, who spank (but usually refer to it as an occasional "smack" or "slap" rather than spanking). These parents indicate that they only correct their children this way only when it involves an inherent danger to a child (themselves or to others). An example of this is a parent who smacks a child's hand who is about to touch a hot stove.


Caregivers (parents or any adults) may also spank a child when, after being disciplined using another method, deliberately repeat the same behavior, as if to antagonize the parent. An example is a child who runs through a store (yes, it happens) and pulls things down from shelves, after being told not too repeatedly. You see this too with kids stepping into the street after they have told to stay on the curb. Swatting a child gets their attention and may stop the behavior, and possible tragedy, from occurring.
Why is this such an emotional issue?
Child Protective Services or even the police have been called to investigate situations where an adult spanks a child in public. Well-meaning adults may intervene when the situation may or may not call for it. There is a fine line and considerable judgment involved when a spanking becomes abuse. Parental rage, brought on by an out-of-control child, can result in horrible and tragic results. At the same time, a swat on the backside to stop a really bad behavior isn't abuse, although some may still insist it is.

Until the last 10 to 20 years (depending on the school), corporal punishment was routinely used in the classroom to put an immediate halt to inappropriate behaviors. Parents were typically notified after the fact. If you disagreed with the use of spanking, you were to sign a form attesting to that at the beginning of each school year, and then were typically required to meet with the school administrators to determine an alternative discipline. Now, most, if not all, schools ban the use of corporal punishment and even designate their stance opposing it in their informational handbooks. But some educators lament that not being able to dispense immediate punishment means kids may escape any disciplinary action at all, or have it be so lame (such as missing recess) that they laugh about it later.

Whether or not you overtly oppose any type of spanking, support it in very limited cases, or like many parents, publicly decry its use but privately have used it at least once on a defiant or out-of-control child, the controversy surrounding it isn't likely to end for generations to come.

If you have a strong opinion about spanking of any type and under any circumstance with a child, be sure to convey that to your child's caregivers (family providers, day care workers or babysitters, or friends). At the same time, be prepared to offer up what alternative measures you do permit.

Too many previously-successful child care arrangements have ended because of a lack of communication about permissable child care discipline strategies. And, if your parents spanked you on occasion but you adamantly oppose it with your child, don't just assume the child's grandparents will just know your position. Get it out in the open before they take on child care duties.
..... Robin McClure