Before You Lose Charge: Ways to Keep Your Cool Around Kids

Of course you love kids, but sometimes they can truly make you want to scream or lose control. Kids have a way of sometimes bringing out the absolutely worst in adults. They can bait, talk back, and pout until you scream, "I give!" Early childhood educators offer these ideas for staying sane and in charge.

Let Kids Make Choices

Whether it is on how they spend their allowance or the type of sneakers they want, parents need to back off and let kids age-appropriate changes. Too often, parents initially give a child a choice, only to take it away by applying pressure, laying on the guilt, or making a kid upset. It's not really a child's choice if a parent tells kids what to do, is it? As long as choices fit within reason (such as dress code rules, budget, correct size, being age appropriate), then go along with it and don't badger them about it later.

Avoid Trap Triggers

Kids learn that certain words or actions can send parents into orbit or into a rage--and when they succeed, you as a parent lose. The key is to stay calm and in control. After all, you are not in charge only when you give that power away. Kids may say hurtful things ("I hate my life"), try and guilt you into purchasing something you disagree with ("Everyone my age has one but me"), or even give you the silent treatment, but avoid the trap by not over-reacting, or if possible, not reacting at all!

Let Kids Know It's Okay to Disagree

You want to raise independent-minded kids...right? That means that you also need to let them feel free to disagree with you, as long as it is done in a respectful way. Kids should learn to have and express their own point of view in a tasteful way, and conversations about how different family members think about thinks encourages mutual respect and positive family dynamics.

Let Kids Have Control Over Activities

Parents sometimes err in insisting that their kids take ballet lessons "because they'll love it later" or participate in soccer year after year "so they'll make the high school team" over protests. While parents should help direct young kids to certain activities based on interests or abilities, it is important to not relive your life through your kids and to mandate activities. Perhaps it's letting them choose between two equally-acceptable options (such as trying baseball or karate) and then supporting their decision.

Make Time On Their Terms to Talk

Parents always want to know how a child feels or why he is upset. Kids may not want or are unable to express their emotions, and parents should gather information on a child's terms instead of "insisting" on answers on the spot. Sometimes kids need time to process how they feel and may very well be able to resolve their emotions on their own. Parents should find a time when a child seems the most responsive to conversations and let a child lead the discussion.

Avoid Drawing Lines in the Sand

Adults should be very careful in drawing battle lines they may not be willing to maintain. Avoid getting to this point by not picking up the attacks or responding to something out of anger. Instead, a parent can choose to take a time-out from the conversation and agree to bring it up at a later point. If you do draw a line, however, you should be sure to stay firm and back it up or else kids will quickly figure out you are willing to change your position and issues if they bug you long enough.

Let Kids Maintain Their Personal Space

Whether it is their messy bedroom, unbrushed hair, or even wrinkled clothes, parents should try their best to bite their tongue and not offer unsolicited advice or retorts. Kids need to have their personal space and learn responsibility over their personal look and grooming efforts as well. Adults quickly learn that kids sometimes goad reactions by doing exactly the opposite a parent requests, so don't go there!

Don't Criticize Them and Their Friends

Your children love you, and hurtful words and criticisms, especially in the guise of helpful parenting, can damage a parent-child relationship. Avoid cutting remarks and alienating their friends unless you truly know there is a legal, social or true reason why you must. Get over not liking someone who is your child's friend if you don't have any particular reason why or simply think the child is odd. Don't play the "bad influence" card unless you have absolute proof that this is the case. If so, parenting power can certainly step in.

Are today's kids too stressed out?

Question: Are today's kids too stressed out?

Are we raising a generation of stressed out kids? Several studies have taken a close look about kids and their level of anxiety. Would you say that today's kids seem more stressed out than when you were a child?

Answer: If you answered yes to whether today's kids are more stressed out than youth of previous generations, you'd be correct. Concerns about money, family dynamics, homework and overall school success, pressure to excel in extracurricular activities, and social issues are the culprits.

According to several new studies, average kids today are more stressed and anxious than their peers who were treated for a variety of psychiatric issues in previous generations. The findings also attributed causes as relating to higher divorce rates, concerns about the environment, and less social connectivity.

While stress is a normal occurrence during certain childhood periods, such as when studying for a final exam, for example, findings also indicate that kids are becoming stressed at an earlier age. In addition, pressures kids are feeling to succeed, due to traumatic events (like 9-11), or discussions about the environment and global warming, can add additional concerns. Parents may unwittingly contribute to a child's level of anxiety by putting them in too many competitive activities or having too-high of expectations at an early age.

Whatever happened to the notion of letting kids to simply be kids and learn through play and imagination?

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2009 

Tips for New Working Moms

After returning to work from maternity leave, many new mothers will start to worry about their company's "mommy track", or the work-life balance your company gives working mothers. Balancing your home life with the rigors of a pressure-packed work environment is not for everyone and talking to other working moms in the company will provide a good idea of what the future will hold.

If the company you currently work at seems too demanding and would take away from what you need to do at home, perhaps a more easy going employer and a relaxed working environment will give you what you need to provide for your family while having the time and energy to be a great mom at home.